Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Choices.

I'm in the process of trying to decide what to do about classes. It's almost time to register and there's decisions to be made. It's also the most frustrating thing in the world.

I want to take 3 courses. But 3 courses were too much last semester. I'm overwhelmed and trying my best to hang on to life as it is now, never mind throwing a bunch of schoolwork my way. It makes me mad at myself that I can't handle more emotionally.

That said, I also don't want to graduate when I'm 60. Ok, it would be 2010 if I only take 2 courses a semester, plus atleast 2 summer courses next year. It still seems like an eternity.

I have no idea what I should be taking. Why can't the collegecoursebookfairy come down and say, "Hey, you need to take this, this and this. No, don't take that. Take ___ instead." I guess if I can talk to one of the advisors, they would help me, but that would require me to go into school, with an 18 month old. I can't get anything done around the house with him home, how am I going to have a meeting about my future? And my advisor isn't returning my emails...yes, repeated emails, so how can I expect her to help me face to face?

I want to take algebra. I hate math. Math scares the hell out of me. But I'm going to college for that very reason. (I don't want to be afraid of anything that a 7th grader can do without a calculator. lol) That said, I can't sign up for algebra online, for some reason. With the advisor not emailing me back I can't do anything further. Should I teach her a lesson and just show up with my whirlwind of a kid?

I also promised myself not to put The Boy into daycare, but it's becoming increasingly difficult for Hubs to be home in time for me to get to night class, not to mention that I want to fall asleep by 8pm. So if I was to put him in daycare two mornings a week, I'd be able to go to classes, not have the stress of Hubs getting home on time, not have to worry about my head drooping during class and I'd still be able to go out sometimes during the week without guilt.

But I promised myself. What if he got hurt? What if he got molested? What if he was kidnapped? What if he really likes it and doesn't want to come home? How can I put my kid in daycare?? He's my kid, I brought him into this world and I should be taking care of him, right?

I don't know what the answers are to any of my questions. They are all valid- ok, maybe a few at the end were silly, but these are the things that fly through my head constantly when I think of next semester.

It makes me want to say screw it and quit.

11 Comments:

Blogger Baby Beth said...

Do not quit. You'll regret it more than you would if you put your son into daycare for two mornings a week. It's only two mornings! And it will be good for him to interact with other children. Think about doing it...also keep in mind that daycare is really expensive. Good luck.

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Tina M. said...

See, but we don't live in a society where:

A. We can protect our kids from everything. Most of the time people are raped/murdered/molested by someone they know really well, usually family or friends of the family.

B. There is family to help with childcare. It used to be that the job was spread out amongst family, but that would mean your mother in law would be living with you. That was the way it was done, and it meant built in daycare. The world we live in today means that childcare is a (usually) necessary service. It's just that, a service.

The big thing to remember is that you're not dumping your kid with a chain-smoking 50something so you can go out drinking and clubbing with your girlfriends. This is important stuff too!

Guilt, and difficulty accepting or doing things for our/yourselves is one of the biggest challenges facing moms/women in general. It's this complex, like if we don't sacrifice everything we're bad wives/mothers/daughters.

Your mileage may vary, and I say this acknowledging that I'm a non-breeder. ;) Take it with a grain of salt!

10:08 PM  
Blogger Firemanshunny said...

I know how you feel about the daycare thing. It was very hard for me to put my daughter in to daycare. She started when she was 18 months old for just 2 days a week. She cried the first couple times that I left her and it ripped my heart out (Not helping??) LOL all the women at my work told me that it would get easier and it did. Now she loves going but she loves coming home to her dad and sister too. I think that it helps socially as well. Now she is going to start pre-K 4 in September and I want to cry all over again. But she will be fine and so will your son if you choose to take him to daycare. (I think this is the longest comment I have ever left anyone!)

10:17 PM  
Blogger Gauss said...

Hey, lots of kids do great in daycare. It's a good way for them to meet other kids, learn songs and poems and what not. Plus, if you are happy (by taking the classes you want to take) your kid will be happier.

If you ever need help with math, I'd be happy to talk to you. I've been teaching and tutoring college math for a few years, at various levels.

Good luck with your decisions!

10:20 PM  
Blogger jennsquared said...

I think putting The Boy into Day Care is a great idea. He will learn so much you probably won't be able to keep up! That's what our nephew did and he is having so much more social skill than he did before!!! He is more considerate and won't throw a tantrum just because he wants to. Plus, most of the day care are very good now - although probably expensive.

As far as algebra - I can help you with it, as long as you promise to help me with MS3 when I'm stuck ;) Algebra is my forte!! (hey I'm not just a razor dealer you know!!!) :)

11:21 PM  
Anonymous Marla said...

It's a very difficult decision for you to make. I can only imagine what you are going through since I don't have children. Does your college have a day care on site? It may ease your fears a little if he is closer by.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Sachi said...

Hmmm... How about asking yourself how daycare might be different than school. Much of the time, the main difference is that your dealing with someone who has more one-on-one time with your child. In the case of my mother, he daycare children look on her as a second mom, even though most of them are over 13 now and haven't been to her daycare since age 7 or younger.

It'll be OK, hon. Go visit a few and your kid will chose the one that's right. You'll know it.

11:23 AM  
Blogger archiknist said...

Since whether daycare will be ok or not so much depends on the particular child and particular daycare, can you test it out first? Sign him up for 1 day a week for a month before your classes start, and if he seems happy (once he adjusts to the newness), switch to 2 days once your classes start. If it doesn't seem like he's ready, take 2 classes instead of 3 just for the fall semester (so you don't drive yourself crazy--or is there something less time-consuming that you could take as a third class? Maybe online?), then try daycare again in the spring, when he's a little bit older.

I can help with algebra too. I promise not to bring algebraic topology (whatever that is!) into it.

9:33 AM  
Blogger laurie said...

Ah, these are issues that many face. First I want to say, don't feel alone.

My degree is child development and I am a teacher in an elementary school. Your son will adjust (as you will) to a couple days/mornings a week with others. It will be good for him to have social situations with others. Check out the places/spots available to you, considering your location, budget, etc. Many larger establishments don't take children who are not potty trained. Check with your school--they may have child care for students on the campus (if they have a child development program, they usually have a day care for parents who are students, although some have requirements that involve your income, etc.). Some day cares have minimum hours/days you have to sign up for. Please, go through licensed people/places--but remember, go with your own gut feeling. Visit, observe, ask questions, ask for background/training of caregivers.

Please don't give up on school and your future. Your future is tied with your son's future. It may seem like a lifetime away for graduation, but that time will come.

Giving your son a couple days with other children and a stimulating environment will be good for both him and you. I hope I helped, at least a little.

Oh, in taking algebra...it's needed to graduate, so talk with others who have already had the class. Find the teacher(s) who break it down the best for math-phobic students. Compare the different textbooks the instructors use. Look for a teacher and/or book that suits you.

5:17 PM  
Blogger Deenz said...

Everyone has already said what I would.

Don't quit school.

It is far more likely that daycare will be nothing but wonderful for Jack.

Oh yeah, and referencing your 100 things? You've got a local renaissance faire coming up in a few weeks. Kids under 4 are free and there's a coupon for the adult tickets on the website. Email if you want the site (I don't want to use your comments as an advertisement!).

5:52 PM  
Blogger ellyodd said...

Why are you scared of math? Do you have dyscalculia?

Check out http://www.dyscalculiaforum.com :)

7:36 AM  

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