Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Private

Yesterday and today have been difficult for me. I'm feeling heavy and I need to get it out somewhere, anywhere. I'm feeling really alone on this.

Some back story- I have a sister who is 2 years older than me. We are complete opposites. She recently told the world on Facebook that she got married. My family had no idea. His entire family was there to witness it. She said it wasn't planned, yet made favors, had a professional cake made and wore a wedding dress. I found out through Facebook that my sister got married. Sadly, that's not the worse that's happened over the last few weeks.

Yesterday I found out that she moved to Puerto Rico to be with her husband, a pilot who got a job down there.

How did I find out? Facebook.

She never said good bye, never called, never emailed. Nothing. Just left.

I'm so upset by this. I have no idea why. She hasn't really spoken to me in years, and for no reason that I know of.

But I still feel like an abandoned 10 year old. Seriously. This has dragged up so much harshness in me.

I want to eat every piece of chocolate in the world. I want to get drunk. I want to go somewhere by myself. I want to crawl back into bed and cry until next year. I want to call her and swear at her up and down. I don't want to deal with the kids, the husband, the housework, any of it. I want to steep myself into my 10 year old broken body and pout.

I unfriended her on Facebook. It was the only control I felt that I had. She doesn't want to be a part of my life? Well, I won't let her be.

I'm sad.

I'm pissed.

I want to know what I did that was so wrong in her eyes.

But most of all, I miss my sister.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Annika said...

Oh Heidi. That must feel horrible. I'm so sorry. And I kind of want to kick her.

2:03 PM  
Blogger Carole Knits said...

I'm so sorry. I hope you can find a way to channel your feelings into something positive. And you know, this probably has absolutely nothing to do with you or anything you did.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Yarnhog said...

Call her. Life's too short. Whatever the problem is, you can't do anything about it unless you talk. Just pick up the phone and call her. Start with "I love you and I really miss you. Can we please talk?"

3:15 PM  
Blogger Lilith Parker said...

*hug*

4:01 PM  
OpenID cafeeclectic said...

That is so frustrating. I wouldn't know what to do if my brother and I don't talk!

::hugs::

7:23 PM  
Anonymous Lindsey said...

That makes me so sad! I'm a big sister myself and could not ever doing that to her. I have nothing else to say except I hope you feel better soon!

7:37 PM  
Blogger the boogeyman's wife said...

that sucks. there was some family drama when i got married and for a couple years i felt like i had lost my family, or an arm or something vital. sometimes it still hurts, because the people who were upset never really talked to me about it. i understand your reactions, and maybe for your own peace of mind you should contact her directly. otherwise you'll always wonder what she was thinking.

9:37 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Sending hugs. I am so sorry that your sister is not including you in her life. WTF? I kinda want to slap some sense into her. What Yarnhog said is very wise. I'd try that once you get over the white hot anger.

4:56 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...

Fractured family is such a big kick in the gut. Hugs.

7:41 AM  
Anonymous Marla said...

I think that is really horrible how she treated you and your family.

Right now what I think you need most is time. You are grieving the loss of the relationship, so let yourself grieve. If unfriending her on Facebook has help, then so be it.

But as Yarnhog said, life is short. When you get to the acceptance part of the cycle, maybe you will feel ready to call or email her. But wait till you are there.

{{hugs}}

6:45 PM  

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