It was this gooey, lovey-dovey card, with pastel flowers and fancy writing.
Normally, I'd love it. I love getting non-bill mail. I love the anticipation of opening the envelope, wondering what the person wrote.
This time, I knew it would make me laugh. Not in a feel good way, but in an ironic, (pardon my french) "what the fuck?" sort of way.
The envelope's return address was my ex-stepfather's. He and my mom married when I was 7 and divorced when I was in my early 20's. He never called me "daughter", never showed emotion of any kind, with the exception of being quick to get angry for any little thing, often making everyone walk on eggshells when he was home. Never told me he was proud of me or that I looked beautiful. To a troubled teen with self esteem and abandonment issues, it was a big deal at the time.
In his defense, did he provide? Yes, mostly.
Anyhow, I opened the envelope and this Mother's Day card made me laugh. First of all it was signed "Dad" and his new fiance's name. Secondly, it wasn't even his handwriting.
This is the emotional baggage shit I would have had to deal with, if I hadn't had so much therapy throughout the years. This is the stuff that 5 years ago would have made me an emotional wreck.
Today? I can laugh. 'Cause really? How does this negatively effect me and my family? (No, I'm NOT telling my mom about it. I may have had therapy, but I'm not stupid.)
I know it's not really a happy laugh, but one that has me thankful for the life I have, the kind of life that I dreamed about as a kid.
And best part, I no longer give a rat's ass what my ex-stepfather thinks of me. I no longer search for his approval or love.
I am content with the life I lead.